Image by kevindooley via Flickr
Petty Cloe Davis (Storer, Stoffell, And Black), David Ray Storer or David R. Halprin (same person but used different names), Gerald Michael Black Junior…. You may be wondering who these people are or why I have listed them. These are family members that I have not ever seen or have not talked to since I was 11 years old. So… why is this important? For years I have been a wrecked person, with no family, no history and no full understanding of where I come from.
I have searched for my mother, Petty Cloe Davis, trying to find out anything about her. I have always felt that if I could find her, it would allow me to better understand who I am. I have always wanted answers to questions like: How come you never came and found me? Was I an accident or did you plan to have me? Am I like you? Who are my other brothers and sisters? Are my grandparents still living? Do you love me even though you have never met me? Why? Why? Why?
I had the same feelings and questions for my dad, David Ray Storer or David R. Halprin, with a few differences: Why did you abandon me when I was eight? Why didn’t you come find me after you got out of prison and make us a family again? Who are our relatives? Why couldn’t you be a man and an example in my life? Will I ever be able to trust you again? Why? Why? Why?
As For Gerald Michael Black Junior I also have questions like: When I was eighteen I called you to find out about my family, which you did know, but why did you yell at me? Why did you say you didn’t want to have anything to do with me or anyone else related to me? How come you couldn’t take two minutes and help me find out any information on my family, good or bad, to help me understand my life? Why? Why? Why?
I have searched and tried try to find out any information on anyone, or about anything concerning my family, to hopefully bring about some sense of meaning to my life. Even after I married my wonderful loving wife and started a family I continued to search. Even after I came into a loving relationship with Jesus Christ I still searched. I searched and searched, thinking that if I could just find anything, any scrap of information, any leads to where these people were that I would become fulfilled and go on with my life. I felt if I found out anything I would have a sense of identity and understanding of who I am. I thought it would bring about some definition into my life.
In truth, I was and am so completely wrong. In God‘s gracious mercy, he stopped me while I was praying and thinking about my family. He expressed to me how I had grieved Him by searching for my family. I was confused and did not understand. That’s when God dropped the bomb on me. He showed me how over the years He had taken care of me since I was a young child, and had provided family members that he wanted me to have in my life. He said to me, “While you were searching for your mom I sent you a foster mother by the name Aunt May. She has loved you from the first day she met you. She has prayed for you everyday of your life and still talks to me about you. But you have forgotten about her. You need to call her and call her more often.” Ouch!
God went on to tell me that He wants to be the Godly example for my life on how to be a man, but you were to busy searching for your dad. Please remember, I am not a drug addict, an abuser, or a thief as your dad was. I pursued you before you even knew who I was. I provided a way for you to live so you would not have to live on the streets. Yet you wanted to know who your dad was. I even redeemed your crazy life and gave you a beautiful wife and great kids. Instead of learning from me how to be the best husband or dad you kept looking for your family instead of building up the one you have. You kept looking for your identity and hoping to find it from your past. If you will only seek Me I will meet your needs and establish your identity in Me.
I have since repented and am seeking God on a daily basis. God is showing me through His mercy how much he loves me. He is teaching me to be a better follower, dad, and husband. I also call my Aunt Mae about every two weeks and have wonderful conversation about God and the family he has given me.
God has come and shown me how wrecked in truly am. I am so thankfully He loves me so much that He refuses to leave me this way.
How about you? Have you taken the love of God and His gift to you for granted? Are you seeking in the past instead of trusting in Him in the present? Have you been searching for something which God has already provided for you? When was the last time that you confessed to God, because He already knows, how wrecked you truly are?????
Thoughts To Ponder 